New Beginning

One Year?  It has been nearly 1 year since the last time I updates.  It has been a tough time of healing.  One thing I don't do well is meet heartache, betrayal and grief head on.  I must admit, it took me out of the gym for months.  I was in a very dark place, and getting up for the gym at 4:20 was impossible.  I did the only things that was expected of me.  And, I would have to say that doing them, and doing them well was tough.  I got up, went to work, went home played with kids, repeat.  School year started, and my joy came back in pieces.  It was time to get back in my normal routine.  Okay, okay, I must admit.  A friend of mine from my gym came by my house one evening and told me to get my butt back in the gym.  I agreed to meet him in body pump class in the morning.  He promised to set me up.  I stood him up and stayed out another week.  What was my problem?  If gaining weight is an olympic sport, I would be a gold medal champion.  Yes, I have put on weight due to my breakup.  Who can i blame but myself?  I will say this, though.  I had no plans of my gym friends who knew me as a chiseled, fitness fanatic seeing my round face, and thick thighs.  (with a bit of a gut).  Uggg, how did I let myself get back here?  I eat through my sadness, and i became immobile for months.  No calorie burn aside from my daily activity of work at a desk job.  Now, the annie is upped for me.  I am working out, not to stay fit, or perfect my arms and booty.  I am now losing fat, as I am maintaining my well hidden muscle.  I started out my doing cardio mix on mondays and thursdays and spin class at 5am on fridays.  Great classes, with good friends.  My problem?  I have this secret love.  High intensity workouts with megaweights.  Who do I miss?  That beast named crossfit.  I have now joined a local box and can't wait for my new story of strength and endurance.  (in case you were wondering, total weight gain 50 pounds)

My blog, my business Heart Issues

The post I am putting up today has nothing to do with fitness, weight loss, exercise yada yada.  In fact, to tell you the truth I haven't been to the gym in a week.  Be careful who you let be the keeper of your heart.  I have been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year now.  We had our ups and downs but I had no doubt that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with man.  Ex military, thought he was upstanding.  Did I mention I have such honor and respect for our military?  Therefore, honored and respected him for his service.  He is a single dad of 3.  Played the victim card well, xwife cheated on him 3 separate times, once with his cousin.  All while he was a way in Afghanistan.  I was loyal to the letter.  Gave him the best.  I would think about ways to show him my love and caring.  There was always a feeling in my gut, though.  Again, be careful who you let be the keeper of your heart.  Guard your precious heart ladies and gentlemen.  When I met this man in February of last year (2012) at my job, he seemed nice enough.  I would hold minor conversations with him while I checked the books and movies out to him and his kids.  One day, he asked me to go workout with him and passed me his phone number.  I waited a week to call him, because frankly, he wasn't all my type.  In fact, I lost his number and had to ask for it when he came back in the library.  I am somewhat of a show-off when it comes to the gym so I was happy to hit the gym with him to show him what I am made of.  I was not expecting to end up dating him and frankly if he would have asked me on a date first off, I would have said no.  I have been single for a long time waiting on a man worth of my heart.  Not knowing where you meet people, not wanting to meet someone at a bar.  Not having anyone at my church single and my age.  Anyway, our conversation while at the gym was good.  He seemed like such a good dad from the stories that I heard.  Seemed real meek mannered.  I like that.  Well, we went for a smoothie after and talked more.  We planned a date to watch the Hunger Games movie.  This is where this should have ended but dumb me believed the best in him.  Got completely stood up once.  Heard dumb excuse after that.  I told him all he had to do was be upfront and honest, let me know he can't make it and things would go so much smoother.  Honestly, I should have never answered his calls or texts again.  Well, we tried for it again.  I got stood up a second time.  Another dumb excuse and apology after the fact.  Third time, I didn't show or anything because I wasn't going to get ready just to be stood up.  Didn't happen, he actually called and showed.  Rather than believe the actions, I believed the words.  Stood me up for Pluckers to watch his precious Thunder play.  He told me he was there, but left before i made it without calling.  We split up.  I never wanted to see him again.  Called me after a couple months.  He had just gotten a job and was going out of town for training.  Kissed me on the lips and said I will see you soon.  Well, he dropped off the face of the earth that weekend so re-kindle, I think not.  didn't speak for the rest of the summer but back in September, he popped up again.  Well, I should have known better but thought it could be great this time.  Things went so smoothly there for a long time.  Let's just say that I have learned my lesson.  Always go with your gut!!!  Something just didn't feel right.  There were times he just wouldn't answer the phone.  Always some dumb excuse.  Well, this past Wednesday, I got my answer.  A woman called my job, identified herself.  Said I don't know her and proceeded to ask me if I knew ______ and what was my relationship to him.  I told her yes I did, he was my boyfriend of the past year and a half.  She started crying and told me she is his pregnant fiance.  I am so hurt.  He would talk about the future, marriage, everything with me.  I could have saved myself money, time, and so so much heartache if only I had listened to my gut.  How on earth could he lie to each of us like that?  Put a ring on her finger, put me on his phone plan. 

I have spent so much time and money looking out for his well being.  He is a liar, and a loser.  He would take take take.  That is bad enough if he knew he didn't want me a part of his future.  But, to know that at the same time, he was ENGAGED to someone else?  Oh, and the night he asked her to marry him?  The morning he came by my job to get back together with me then went out of town for training.  She went out of town with him and stayed all weekend.  He asked her to marry him that first night.  crazy!!  Too much to fully understand.  I just don't get it.  I guess you just live and learn.  I know she dropped him, as did I.  I just hope she doesn't go back to him.  I know I will not......ever!!!!!!!!!  Can't wait for him to get the cancellation fee on the cell phone plan.  300 dollars is a start. 

Rikki & Ronni = Twins!

I had a built in best friend my whole life.  Her name is Rikki. We have pretty much done eveything together since birth. Ok, so not EVERYTHING, but you know what I mean.

She and I are a lot alike being that we look similar.  Obviously the hair, complection, our eyes, lips.  You get it.  But she and I are very different.  I suppose that's the way it always is with sisters.  She is quiet, I'm pretty outgoing.  Growing up, I would speak for her.  Someone would ask "what's y'alls names?"  I would answer "Ronni and Rikki".  Although Rikki can answer her name now, the same is still true.  We are Texan's born and raised.  We also have lots of family across the Red River (Oklahoma).  Rikki loves the Longhorns, and I love the Sooners.  Drives her crazy...maybe that's why I root for them ;)

Our boys are just a few months apart.  It was fun being pregnant together, and of course, our boys are best friend-cousins too.  Mine is in the OU jersey and Rikki's boy has his tongue out.  CUTE!  We have girls as well, but they weren't born together.  And neither of us had twins.  What's up with that????!!!

Being glad I have her in an understatement.  Even when she drags me to events just because she knows that I'm crazy and will help her to break the ice and get to talk to people like this weekend.  She took me to a birthday party for a blogger.  I didn't know who these ladies were at first, but I will admit we had a great time.  And Rikki and I looked Fab.  (well we did..HA!)

Okay, so here is the way my gym ”career” started. Like I said, you have to find your motivation somewhere, right? My baby was a little over a year old and I could no longer call my fat baby-weight. One day, at work, I saw this super handsome man about 6 years younger than me. Muscle bound, young and had a five year plan. He was a volunteer fireman and was getting ready to join the marine corps.  He came up and talked to me and I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I have always people watched and would look at couples and wonder why is that guy with that girl and visa versa. I made a promise to myself I would not be the fat girl with a hottie making people stare and wonder.   I started hitting the gym most days at 5:30am 3 days a week. Weight was dropping off slowly at first. Well, me and Mr. hottie barely dated 2 months.  I wondered if I even should continue going to the gym but then I remembered the not quite as handsome more mature man that was always on the elliptical in front of me. I decided I would definitely continue going. I never imagined I would hit my weight loss goals. Short term, my goals were to meet him.  I then upped my gym days to 5 days a week wondering if he was there all those days and he was .  Every morning I would do an hour on the elliptical and rotate through all the weight machines. I didn't have a clue as to what I was doing. 3 sets of 12 on each machine, whatever weight I could do. On the elliptical, I always did the program for the butt and thighs. (duh) I hated seeing myself in the mirror after getting off the elliptical because my face was so red a splotchy and me and gym guy would be going for paper towels to wipe down the machine at the same time. I grew confidence  however, in the weeks to come. One day, going out to the car behind gym guy, he turned and introduced himself to me. He also told me that was his last day, he was moving to a different gym. Little does he know, I owe my initial 40 pound weight loss and determination to stay in the gym to him. By that time, I had a whole new motivator to stay in the gym. Gym guy or not. I was smaller, and I was starting to see my first muscles………calf muscles. It was a start, anyway. I will tell you this a lot. Find a time you can do, and find something that you like. (Even if it is some eye candy to pass the time on the elliptical in front of you)



Me after my initial 40 lb loss.  This was about 5 months after I started working out.  I'm in the red :)

When I started working out, I was a real newbie.  I knew changes needed to happen, but I wasn't quite sure what to do.  I started the Slim Fast diet.  Shake in the morning and afternoon, a couple of healthy snacks and a sensible dinner.  The elliptical and I had a date every.single.morning.  I didn't get off until the calorie burn on it read 1000.  I was addicted to cardio.  The weight really started melting off of me.  I was seeing changes and it was awesome.  I then joined a fitness challenge at the gym I worked out at and went to my first boot camp.  I LOVED it.  That is where I really saw my body, not just changing (getting smaller), but muscle was forming and I was becoming toned.
 I don't do the Slim Fast thing anymore.  Later I will do a "what I eat" post.  My advice in weight loss and working out is finding something you love.  If that's weigh lifting (my fav) do that and work in a little cardio.  If it's running, do that (but don't forget the weights).  If it's swimming, that's awesome too.  Make working out fun and you are more likely to stick with it.  Change it up and keep it fresh.  I love finding new work outs and new routines.  What I love at my boot camp classes is it's basically play time.  It's hard, but we as adults have forgotten how to get out there and move.  Skipping, jumping rope, bear crawls, burpees, running; it all reminds me of being a kid.  You won't be great at it at first, but you have to start somewhere.  Get out there and get moving.

Tell me your favorite work outs!

 See....FUN!  **disclaimer, I in no way reccommend flying off of bounce 

houses upside down.  It was a lot of fun though!                                                          

Before and after pics.  To be quite honest it is embarrassing posting pictures of myself in the "before" stage.  My goal here is to inspire and help and show you that it is possible, that hard work and discipline can and will work.  That it is so important to commit to you so that you can be everything in life that you need to be.  

side by side

Your fear of change can either motivate you, or paralyze you.  I chose to get off my rear and make it happen!